Luan Special's Halloween Stories Part 3
by Anthony Staffenhagen
Summary: 3rd story: Christmas Without Santa


Luan: Our last story has nothing to do with The Loud House. Finally! You might say it does have something to do with it if you count me, but I don't. To me, the Louds are an alternate version of my family, not the other way around. Now, before we begin, let's see what guest star is gonna show up. A guest star appeared before I started reading the last two stories, so I'm sure another one's gonna show up now.

Luan waited for the guest star, but no one came.

Luan: Huh. Guess not. Then let's get started on our next spooktacular…

Luan started to hear the sound of thunder.

?: ENOUGH! ENOUGH!

A green smoke filled the room which turned out to be The Flying Dutchman!

Luan: *gasp* The Flying Dutchman?! I can't believe you're here! This is awesome!

The Flying Dutchman: You're happy to see me?!

Luan: Of course I am. I love SpongeBob! It's the reason my favorite color is yellow and my favorite shape is squares.

The Flying Dutchman: But you're supposed to be frightened by me!

Luan: Well sorry, but I'm not.

The Flying Dutchman: *groan* Tell me. Do you like chocolate?

Luan: This would be where I'd do the obvious reference, but I'm not really in the mood to yell the same word repeatedly. Yeah, chocolate's pretty tasty.

The Flying Dutchman: So then how would you feel if some traumatic event ruined it for ye?

Luan: Umm….That would suck.

The Flying Dutchman: Interesting.

The Flying Dutchman disappeared.

Luan: ….I wonder what that was about. Maybe it was foreshadowing something.

The Flying Dutchman appeared behind Luan without her noticing.

Then he roared and made a really scary face.

This scared Luan and made her be paralyzed with fear.

Luan: Everybody do the flop!

Luan fell forward and was now unconscious.

The Flying Dutchman: Now that I've taken care of her, I've got somethin' important to say. The reason I came here was because those stories she was tellin' were makin' a mockery of all things scary. If you wanna see some real horror, here are some movies I recommend. Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween II, and Halloween II.

The Flying Dutchman left.

 **Christmas Without Santa**

Karli, who seemed to not be wearing a Halloween costume, was in Vaniville Town and noticed a piece of paper on the front door of Anthony's house that said "I shouldn't have to tell you that I'm not gonna give you candy!" Despite that, Karli rang the doorbell and Diancie opened the door.

Diancie: Is no one seeing this sign?!

Diancie slammed the door.

Karli: What's she so angry about? I thought she liked Halloween.

George came out of his house. His costume was Mii Swordfighter.

George: Diancie is in "refusing to talk to anyone" mode right now, so I'll give the exposition for her. Diancie and Whatshername referred to Halloween as their day because it was around this time of year that they met. But now that Whatshername is deceased, Diancie can't spend the holiday with her. Therefore, she doesn't want to spend it with anybody, not even the other members of her group. Karli, you're probably the last person Diancie wants to see right now because you were Whatshername's rival.

Karli: Oh, I'll be the opposite of that once I tell her the idea I have.

Karli walked towards Anthony's house.

George: Wait. How come you're not wearing a costume?

Karli: I am. I'm a person who got bitten by a zombie but hasn't turned into a zombie yet. I stole it from Henry Danger, but it was just too good that I had to…

George: YOU GOT BITTEN BY A ZOMBIE?!

Karli: What? George, I meant that…

George: I'm sorry, Karli. You were a great friend, but I must now cut your head off.

George lifted up his sword.

Karli: Ah!

George: Wait. What am I doing?

Karli: Phew. Thank goodness you realized…

George: This sword isn't real. Let me go order a real one on Amazon real quick.

George went back into his house.

Karli: ….That's gonna be a fun Halloween memory in the future….hopefully.

Karli went into Anthony's house.

Diancie: I said "NO CANDY!"

Karli: That's not what I'm here for…..anymore. You're trying to pretend there's no such thing as Halloween, right?

Diancie: Yeah. Why do you care?

Karli: Because, in the X Universe, the universe I'm from, there's no such thing as Halloween. You should just go there.

Diancie: That idea makes sense, but I'm not using it. Now go away!

Karli: Are you sure? We could go to the Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town. That's the perfect Halloweeny thing, wouldn't you say?

Diancie: Do you have a brain the size of an atom?! You know I'm trying to avoid Halloweeny things, so why would you suggest something Halloweeny to me?!

Karli: …..Oh, you're right. I'll be goin' now.

Diancie: About time!

Diancie suddenly felt a weird chill in her back.

Diancie: Actually, on second thought, I'm gonna come with you.

Karli: Really?

Diancie: Yeah, for some reason, I'm getting the feeling someone wants to show me something.

Karli: Uhh…ok.

Karli and Diancie went outside.

Karli: So why were you the only one home?

Diancie: The two humans are at some sporting event I don't care about, and Celebi and the others are at wherever Poipole lives.

Karli: You were ok with Celebi and Marshadow being together without you there to watch them?

Diancie: Only because I was too mad to care. But now I'm less mad, so I do care. Tell Emolga to keep an eye on them.

Karli: …..How am I supposed to do that?

Diancie: She's your twin sister. Can't you talk to her with your mind?

Karli: No. You didn't think I could, did you?

Diancie: No, but I hoped you could. Let me see if I can, I'm the one who uses Telepathy. HEY, EMOLGA! Don't let Celbs and Marshadow do anything I wouldn't approve of! If they so much as touch each other, your face and the floor are gonna have a very meaningful relationship!

Karli: …Do you think she heard you?

Diancie: Oh, yeah. She heard me.

George came out of his house.

George: When I typed in "actual swords" on Amazon, the first thing that came up was Season 1 of A Pup Named Scooby-Doo. I don't think I can use that to chop off heads, so I guess you're gonna have to stay a zombie.

Karli: That's ok.

Karli and Diancie went to Lavender Town in the X Universe.

Karli: Well, there it is. It's the ultra spoopy cemetery building that some say made…

Diancie: NO TALKING! Let's just go in there until this weird feeling I have goes away.

Karli: But don't you wanna hear about…?

Diancie: I said "no talking." First the candy, now this. What is it with you and not understanding me when I say "No something?" Let's get this over with.

Diancie and Karli went into Pokémon Tower.

Double G was in there and screamed at them.

Karli was scared by it and screamed. Diancie wasn't scared.

Double G: Aw man, you're not Trip.

Karli: Trip? As in Triple G?

Double G: Obviously. What else would me saying "Trip" mean?

Karli: Do you still play Halloween pranks on him despite what happened in 2015?

Double G: Of course. He loves it! You girls wanna help me with it?

Karli: No, not really.

Diancie: Not only do I not want to help you, but I so much don't want to help you, that there are not even words that can describe how much I don't want to help you!

Double G: Alright, well, look. I'm gonna get Trip. Now you can help me get him, or else…you two might get your own little HALLOWEEN SURPRISE!

Diancie: That doesn't bother me.

Karli: Yeah, I don't really see what's so bad about being pranked.

Karli and Diancie went to the next floor.

Double G: Dang it! Bunny! Ruthless!

Bunny: What, Dub?

Double G: There's these two girls upstairs who said they wouldn't help me scare Trip. Go up there and beat 'em up.

Bunny & Ruthless: KK.

Ruthless and Bunny went to the next floor. A few moments later, they fell down the stairs.

Double G: What happened?

Ruthless: That Pocket Monster did our job for us.

Bunny: But on us.

Double G: This is perfect! Now it'll be more believable that y'all are dyin'!

Bunny: Huh?

Double G: Were you not paying attention?! The way I'm scarin' Trip this year is by makin' him think you and Ruthless are gonna die.

Diancie and Karli made it to the top floor.

Karli: So, are you feeling better yet?

Diancie: Is Whatshername here?

Karli: No.

Diancie: Then I'm not feeling better!

Karli: You just need to get into the Lavender Town mood. Why isn't the music playing?

The Lavender Town theme started playing.

Karli: There it is.

Diancie: For the 50th time, Halloweeeny stuff is what I DON'T want right now.

Karli: Why? What is so bad about celebrating Halloween without Whatshername?

Diancie: Halloween without Whatshername is like….It's like….I don't know, some other holiday without whoever's important to it.

Karli: How though? You liked Halloween before you met her. So why is she required for you to enjoy the holiday now?

Diancie gave Karli a look of anger to indicate that she would get back at her for saying that one day.

 **Many Decades Later**

Karli now has a son and it's his birthday.

Diancie: You never had a problem with this day of the year before your son was born, so it wouldn't matter if he was dead! See how that doesn't make sense now?

Karli: ….Huh? What's this about?

Diancie: October 31st, 2018.

Karli: …What does that have to do with…Oh yeah, that thing I said. I forgot about that.

 **The Present**

Diancie: Look. Not everyone celebrates holidays the way everyone says is "traditional." Some people eat lasagna on Thanksgiving, some people see a movie on Christmas, I hang out with my 2nd best friend on Halloween.

Karli: But you hang out with her every day.

Diancie: No I don't. She's dead. Because of you.

Karli: What? No, it wasn't because of me. It was because of…

The Lavender Town theme suddenly turned into Calamari Inkantation.

Karli: …What?...Why is that Splatoon song playing?

Diancie: I don't know. But it's making me think of Whatshername, so now I'm getting more mad!

Karli felt a ghostly chill in her spine.

Karli: Ah! What was that?!

Diancie: What was what?

One of the Rhydon statues fell over.

Karli: Ah!

Diancie: It's just a thing falling over. How is that scary?

Karli: Because there's nothing here to cause it to fall over. Unless there's…a ghost here!

Diancie: Obviously there's a ghost here. It's Lavender Town.

Karli: I gotta get out of here!

Karli ran for the stairs as the ghost followed her.

On the next floor down, the ghost kept chasing her and moaned.

Karli: That voice. It kinda sounds like…..But it can't be!

When Karli made it to the second floor of the tower, she tripped and fell down. Then Diancie appeared.

Diancie: What is the big deal? What is so scary about this particular ghost?

Karli: It's not the ghost I'm afraid of, it's who the ghost is.

Diancie: That's a pretty redundant way to answer. Just say "Because the ghost is…" and then say who it is.

The ghost turned around to look at Diancie, revealing that it was Whatshername!

Diancie: Whatshername!

Whatshername: You didn't think I'd miss Halloween with you, did ya'?

Diancie went up to Whatshername to give her a hug, but couldn't because she's a ghost.

Whatshername: That's ok. It's the thought that counts.

Karli: So…..are you back now? You're not killed off anymore? You've come back as a ghost? An Inkling ghost?

Whatshername: That's right!

Karli: But I thought when Inklings die, they turn into little squid ghosts.

Whatshername: Ha! That's not when we die, that's when we get splatted. And you call yourself a Nintendo fan.

Karli: ….The OC in the list of characters for this is you, not me, isn't it?

Whatshername: It's paired with Diancie, so yeah. Obviously.

Karli: But you're not a Pokémon OC, you're a Splatoon OC.

Whatshername: Excellent point, but consider this…I don't freaking care.

Diancie: Come on, Whatshername. Let's go get the rest of the group and celebrate this holiday right!

Karli: Her name's not Whatshername, it's….it's….I never found out what her real name is.

Whatshername: And that's your own fault. You would've found out what it was if you hadn't slapped me in the face and stormed out like a little brat.

Karli: Are you saying that I was the bad guy there?! You were the one who…

Whatshername: Like you said, Diancie, let's leave. I just gotta do one little thing first.

Whatshername and Diancie went down to the first floor and Whatshername went up to Double G.

Whatshername: Aliens, your ex-wife, your ex-wife's lawyers, male horses, and Wet Bathtub Girl!

Double G started screaming and running around like crazy.

Then Triple G appeared from behind the counter.

Triple G: Gotcha!

Double G: Trip?! What are you doing here?

Triple G: This ghost girl told me you were gonna try to scare me here. So I got here early so I could scare YOU!

Double G: What? But how did she know what I was gonna do?

Diancie: He questions that, but not what you look like or the fact you're a ghost.

Whatshername: To answer your question, it's because of fourth wall breaking and the fact I know this is all a work of fiction written by a guy who likes to make his characters know what's gonna happen.

Triple G: And now…I dance! I tricked Dad! I tricked Dad! I tricked Dad 'cause I'm so smart!

 **The End**

Luan regained her consciousness.

Luan: Oh, what happened? Did you guys get told the last story?

Luan looked at a clock on a wall.

Luan: I really hope you did, 'cause I don't have enough time to tell it now. Now I just gotta think of how I want to end this. I'd like it to be Michael Myers shows up and he non-canonically kills me, but we can't do that. It would make sense to have all the guest stars come back, but there's nothing for them to do. So, I guess I'll just wait for someone to pick me up and take me home.

Lana came back wearing a Captain Kirk mask and holding a spoon.

Luan: Oh my gosh! SHE'S GOT A SPOON! **SHE'S GOT A SPOON!**

Lana took the mask off.

Lana: What? You're scared of spoons? The whole reason I used a spoon instead of a knife was so that it wouldn't be scary.

Luan: I am not scared of spoons. I am TERRIFIED of spoons! This means I'm a vampire now. So I'm now evil, like being a vampire, and want to make everyone "join me" because for some reason, it's impossible for people to not change in personality when they get turned into monsters.

Lana: ….You're not being serious, right?

Luan took a bite out of a piece of garlic bread to prove she wasn't a vampire.

Luan: Yep.

Lana: Good. Please stop trying to be funny every single time you speak. I can never tell when you're being serious.

Luan: Not gonna happen, sis.

Lana: *sigh* Let's just go home.

Luan: Ok. Let me just give this an ending.

Lana: Make it quick.

Luan: Happy Halloween.

Lana: …That's it?

Luan: Obviously. It is required that all Halloween stories end with someone saying "Happy Halloween" or at least those words appearing in text. Now I've gotta say it again because you talked. Happy Halloween!


End file.
